Late-Night Personalities Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme
Late-night's top comedians used the evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration program, labeled the "golden visa," describing it as a obvious pay-to-play arrangement for the wealthy.
The Late Show's Pointed Spin
Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday song about the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... spoils everything he handles."
The focus was the new plan that allows overseas nationals to acquire U.S. residency for an investment of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" tier for 5 million. An official website guarantees approval "in record time."
"A quick thought for you to affluent foreigners: before you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.
He explained that the card is also meant to "get cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring significant payments. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.
"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."
"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast
On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."
"It's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."
"Maybe it's time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.
Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."
"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers on Economic Issues
Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval ratings during economic anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he explained.
Recently, in a effort to discuss cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of food items, where he reacted strangely to boxes of cereal.
"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."
"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.
